Charcuterie Board is a 50-page electronic zine (read: pdf), the first from the GLoG community, and laid out by yours truly. I drew the table for the table of contents above. There’s something for everyone in this! It’s almost guaranteed that nobody will like -everything- in this zine (there are conflicting rulesets), so pick it up, take what you want, and leave the rest. There’s an entire playable game in this zine with Sawn-Off by Velexiraptor, and a playable adventure in the Gaoler’s Hand by Phlox. There’s like 20 playable classes on the cover alone!
When the Before Times ended, a lot of spare time suddenly opened up and I found myself partaking in a bizarre Gretchling community on Discord. Who were they? People who casually threw away the worn, smooth prizes other people cherished. Bewitched, soon I too was crudely cobbling together my own Goblin Laws of Gaming. Before I knew it I was laying and designing a GLoG Charcuterie Board Zine. Covid raged across the world in 2020, and I feverishly worked on this zine, seeking some kind of Talmudic balance to the insane mess of comments, pictures, articles, and tables. Was it a success? Success was never a consideration. There is no overcoming struggle, only elevating it to its highest possible plane. The rules will always change. Embrace the chaos.
In the room of busts, the party inspects the different family members. The bust of Priscilla Malévol tugs at Longo’s shadow, and while the party inspects the phenomenon, they hear footsteps coming up the hall. Astaire quickly casts hold portal on the door and everyone stays quiet. Someone tries to open the door, then the voice of Gilbert Malévol cuts in, and he tries the door. Concluding that it’s another stuck door Gilbert and his merry men move on, and the footsteps fade. Jamila and Bandit investigate the sword in the head. Bandit sees “SCRUPULOUS” on the hilt and senses that it is a magic sword. Jamila takes it, and Scrupulous the intelligent sword introduces themselves to Jamila. Astaire examines Claudette’s jeweled eyes and surmises that they’ll bleed if removed, but uses his sword to pry them out anyhow.
Then they hear shouts down the hall–the merry men heard the party, running back to the room of busts! Astaire quickly casts hold portal again, and the merry men can’t open the door. Gilbert orders it kicked down. The party decides to try the unopened door to the east–into a closet! Making their way into the closet, Jamila uses Scrupulous to detect a hidden door. They advance into an empty room with some broken glass on the floor and quickly shut the secret door behind them. The next room is a laboratory. There is a basket of rags in the corner. Lou sees a homunculon bang its tiny fist against the glass, and Astaire takes a closer look. Lou examines the bouncing sparks in the dome. The homunculon is a hand with two fingers that end in smaller hands. The palm has an eye and a mouth. The party hears one of the merry men discover the hidden door, and enter the room. The merry men open fire, and Tugtar, Lou, and Jamila step in to fight. Astaire turns around to survey the room, and sees Merlerik Malévol, Founder, now wraith, passing through the wall into the room! He casts protection of evil over himself, and Merlerik is rebuffed. Jamila steps in to fight the wraith with Scrupulous. Tugtar stands close by, and whiffs with their hammer. A battle ensues between Jamila and the wraith, who drains 2 points of constitution before dying, burning shadows into the walls. Ysambeau witnesses the battle holding the lantern the entire time. After the victory Tugtar gives him a pair of greaves and Ysambeau’s morale goes up a point. Astaire rolls the four bodies of the merry men in the empty room, and eats one of their sausages, and takes their possessions.
Gilbert abandons the battle, leaving a merry man behind. Bandit tackles and gives chase after Gilbert down the hall and through the Knight’s Hall, where he slashes a cut in gilbert’s forearm. There are 5 headless manservants with trays of wine. Gilbert makes it into the feasting hall and Bandit tackles them again. Longo catches the lone merry man and runs them through with their sword, looting their body while they are alive. The merry man attempts to parley, then fight, and then dies. Lou runs into the knight’s hall and is served mulled wine, then runs over to see Bandit punch Gilbert’s head with his Ring of the Ram Goddess. His head explodes. A merry man appears, sees the carnage, and flees. Lou gives chase, tumbling down the stairs with him. Four merry men are down below. One holds a lantern, and the other three attack Lou with their swords, slashing at him. Lou runs back up the stairs, and the merry men retreat. Bandit takes a gold pocketwatch off of Gilbert, and moves the weapons far from the body. He thens looks over the ghoulish feast on the table. Brined eyeballs in a jar follow his movement.
Bandit: Where’s the goddamn salt???
END SESSION
Session Xp 100 xp
Risks Taken Bandit, Lou, Tugtar, Jamila fight the Merry Men 100 xp Bandit fights and defeats Gilbert Malévol the Fox 200 xp Jamila fights and defeats Merlerik Malévol the Founder, wraith 200 xp Astaire casts Protect From Evil and stands against the wraith 50 xp Tugtar swipes at the wraith 100 xp
XP Gained: Astaire = 150 xp Bandit = 400 xp Jamila = 400 xp Lou = 200 xp Tugtar = 200 xp
Gilbert Malevol and his merry men have entered the castle, searching for the party. In the serjeant’s room, the party douses their light and stays quiet. Astaire casts clairvoyance and peers through the walls. In the darkness, he sees Gilbert Malevol and his “merry men” arrive down an adjacent hall by torchlight, opening doors and looking for the party. Astaire ceases the spell and as the torchlight appears underneath the door of the serjeant’s room and the shadow of boots step before the threshold, Astaire casts hold portal on the door.
Merry Man: It’s stuck. Gilbert: Hmpf, let me try!
But the door doesn’t open and Gilbert wanders off deeper into the castle to find the miscreant party. Heading out after the coast is clear, the party avoids the singing in the mess hall and explores several rooms of a barracks, the last of which was crawling with tiny spiders. An obliquely shaped empty room save for a floursack caught their attention for a while. Then the party returns back to a dumbwaiter they walked by earlier, and wheeling ysambeau and longo up, see a caveman statue opposite, a bathroom door to the east, and a hallway to the west. The party wheels themselves up two at a time and open the bathroom door- to Aristide Malévol, Patrician! Emanating a supernatural menace, he casts Geas over the entire group, which only Lou fails; this cheers up Aristide quite a bit, because he needs a few ingredients he’s left lying about the castle for a special ritual he’s going to perform. Without leaving details, he walks off into the darkness.
Lou: He’s a swell guy! Hope I can help him out.
As Aristide departs, magic swirls around the castle, whether it is from Aristide or a dweomer inside the castle, who can say – but the dumbwaiter the party ascended through moments ago has now become the bathroom that Aristide departed, and the bathroom they were in has become a bedroom! Adjusting to their surroundings in the bedroom, Tugtar hears a weeping behind a dressing screen and hits it with his hammer, knocking over a chained casket behind it, which does nothing to help the sobbing from the casket. Astaire finds and loots a dressing room behind a blue cloth draping the room’s walls. Bandit takes a mirror. A puzzle box is found, and Astaire investigates with it before handing it off to Lou, who investigates it but is also unable to solve the puzzle. Then Jamila also investigates it, and like the others, can’t solve it, but by this point wheezing skeletons have made their way into the bedroom, attacking Longo! Longo’s shield is sundered against the bony claws, and another skeleton luches towards Tugtar. Jamila fires with some arrows and Astaire leaps to the bedroom door, shuts it, and stands against the door. The trapped three skeletons are taken down quickly. When the hall is clear, the party then begins exploring the second floor, wandering down some halls. Astaire opens a door into a room with lit candelabras in the corners and a wooden chest in the center of the room. Stepping in, Astaire is blessed with protection from good and is then questioned by a disembodied voice.
Disembodied voice: What is the purpose of thy affront? Astaire: We’re just exploring? Disembodied voice: Mwahahaha!
Astaire opens the chest, it flies open, the doors slams shut, and the candles go out. Everyone runs out of the room and Astaire almost does too, but then heads back and finds a false bottom in the chest- 3,000 gold coin in paper rolls, a hammer, and seven stakes! Moving on into another hall, Bandit leads the way and heads into a ruined bedroom where an invisible figure sleeps in the bed. Bandits sneaks over to the beat-up weapon cabinet against the wall and inspects the wares beyond the broken glass. A suite of different weapons collected over the years is displayed. A longsword catches Bandit’s eye, and but lifting it out of the case caused some noise, and the sleeping figure awoke, shouting “Attention!” The weapons clattered in the cabinet and everyone’s weapons leap to attention. Bandit held onto their sword, and Lou jumps to the fore with his shovel, smacking the invisible figure in the bed. They disappear and all the weapons fall inert again. The lampbearers Wagner and Ysambeau pick out some kris daggers from the pile, and underneath the fallen pile of weapons in the cabinet, Bandit finds a wood box with six military medals inside. Astairs pins a few on the inside of his robe.
Astaire: “If anyone asks, tell them we won!”
Moving on, the party finds the object of their quest: a library! Everyone takes to the shelves and starts a pile of books on the floor they think look promising for finding information on un-petrifying Adelaide, but the books seem to be mostly romances, adventure yarns, and travelogues. Tugtar paws through an overlooked section on musical scores and finds an insane symphony from Ludwig von Schreck and bundled with it, a spellbook of irresistible dance! Bandit finds hardly anything of interest, and the party questions the quality of book subjects in the library. The party decides to try the second floor of the library, and heads into a room full of hunchbacked scribes chained to their desks, writing feverishly. The scribes are writing the most offensive stuff they can think of. One of the scribes asks Lou for some good material.
Lou: I’ll tell you the MOST offensive joke I know in exchange for writing me a stone-to-flesh spell. Promise? Scribe: Yeah, I promise. Lou: *explicit duck sex joke* Scribe: Oh ho ho ho! that’s really bad. exactly what i want. thanks! Lou: My spell? Scribe: Oh yeah. I lied! how’s THAT for offensive?
To which Lou responded by bashing the scribe’s head in. A few scribes are horrified and drop their quills. One is inspired and begins writing with renewed energy. Meanwhile outside the scribe room in the library, the other party members see a wraith floating down the hallway! Astaire recognizes the wraith as the wasted form of Merlerik Malévol, founder, from his history book on the Malévols. Longo goes to tip a bookcase at the wraith but isn’t quite able to tip it and so retreats. Astaire tries out Tugtar’s new-found spell on the wraith, whos fails and is irrestibably drawn into a dancing a quadrille. The party runs away from the wraith, who attempts to follow while dancing.
Astaire: This spellbook I found is great! Jamila: That’s TUGTAR’S spellbook, Astaire.
Heading away from the dancing wraith and the scribes, they head north into another room. The party steps into a room with the warm light of a evening in late summer streaming in through the castle murderholes. On plinths against the wall are various busts of the Malévol family. Aristide’s skeletal grin is here, another has a sword through their head, and yet another’s eyes sparkle like gems…
What new members of the family are depicted in these busts?? What secrets do they hold??
Session Xp (2) 200 xp
Risks Taken Lou kills a scribe 50 xp Astaire casts irrestible dance on a wraith 100 xp
XP Gained: Astaire = 300 xp Bandit = 200 xp Jamila = 200 xp Lou = 250 xp Tugtar = 200 xp
Castle Xyntillan has many things, but it does not have a map for the Valley of the Three Rainbows! so I drew one myself and added bits from the Tegel Manor region map that seemed interesting. I’ve been using this map and key for a while now while it hasn’t been fully explored, the beach caves and winery did seem some play and worked nicely, I think. The resultant map seems too tiny in detail so i’ll probably revisit it sometime in the future and redraw the whole thing in color, but in the meantime I decided to post what I have.
Here is a 3-page key of the valley, a player’s map, and a gm map. Enjoyy
The party examines statues, and finds a secret salt room! Moving on through the dungeon and lighting hallway torches, the party heads upstairs, finding a linen room with a suprised werewolf matron cleaning and folding laundry. A sinister man with a shadow dragging chains tries to attack Bandit, who shoves them into the linen closet and shuts the door. Running back downstairs, the party spends time playing with the mechanical chessplayer in the hall. 6 shambling skeletons creep up the hall and the party attacks. The skeletons bring down Lou and claw attack him, who hits their head pretty hard and almost dies. The skeletons suffer some deaths of their own and retreat back down the hall. The party takes off Lou’s helmet to revive him, which upsets Lou. Heading back to the salt room, Astaire intuits magic about the goat statues and the party pushes one out into the hall. It comes alive, and headbutts Adelaide, turning her stone! Lou is horrified and searches in vain for a solution. The party eventually heads on into a maid’s room, and Astaire finds Olivier Malevol the Oleagineous hanging out in a secret room behind a dresser. Astaire leaves him there, and Lou runs into the room to grill Olivier about stone-turning magic. Olivier gets flustered and eventually loses it, turning into a grey ooze and attacking Lou, who gets knocked out again. At that point the party decides to leave the castle, finding another room with giant mice fighting sheets who are strangling mice. Jamila throws a torch in the room and Bandit nabs a purple silk robe. They escape via boat into the lake, narrowly avoiding the suspicion of the pirate Malevol ghost in the grotto. The party rows across the lake, stashes their boats in a copse of trees, and makes it to the priory on the pass around midnight. Ference the monk takes them in, and lets them rest… End time: Midnight, Airday
Risky things: 6 skeletons Gray ooze Shoving Malevol in linen closet Lying to pirate Malevol shade
Lou 900 XP Astaire 700 XP Tugtar 700 XP Jamila 700 XP Bandit 900 XP
Dawn sets on the Priory of Esilan, and Bandit plays their bugle outside in the sunrise. The party chats with the monks Ferenc, Jarl, and Ursula, (Fishling, Elf, and Eeling, respectively) over cappuccino and hard-boiled eggs, and learn about Esilan, the Keeper of Hours. The party then heads off to Tours-En-Savoy. The weather is sunny with clear skies, and the party comfortably makes it into town a little after nightfall. Lou returns to the Sleeping Snout and checks in with Kelly Bromel about his items in the room he had reserved, to which she informs him that a one-eyed gentleman had came and picked them up days ago. Bandit sets the party up with a room for the night, and Lou, Jamila, and Tugtar retire while Bandit and Astaire go to The Black Comedian to enjoy themselves, and Astaire recognizes a patron from the wanted poster he had found at the castle xyntillan –Claude Malévol! Wistful and in need of a good drinking buddy, Astaire and Bandit hang out and chat for a while about his family and estate. Bandit decides to romance some squirrelings in the back of the bar and follows them upstairs to spend the night, and Astaire drinks a while longer, then heads back to the inn. The next morning is overcast and a heavy fog has settled into the streets. The party visits Ben Mordechai, who informs the party that Stone-to-Flesh magic would surely be in the Xyntillan libraries, while Geraldina at the hospital could cure a disease over weeks of time if the stricken person was in her care.
Astaire has a hangover and eats herring and onion at The Black Comedian – the party joins and eats breakfast – Lou visits Ramses’ grave – the heavy fog dissipates into a cloudy day – Lou talks to Father Brenard about the missing Father Chlodowig now living in Xyntillan – Gets vampire hunting equipment in return – Bandit browses books at the general store – Seemingly out of nowhere, men and women of the town start a riot, complaining about the governor having a mansion while there isn’t even a bulletin board – The party joins the mob – Bandit: Eyes on the prize! Dethrone the one inside! The mob is stirred to action and storms the governor’s mansion – Lou and Bandit see an opportunity to see if the governor has a library – Peasants break through the town guards and stream inside – Lou opens a door to a library and a rioting citizen sets fire to the books – Bandit meets the governor Richard Justin Saint-Egreve and his two guards – Bandit sets fire to the drapes and escapes the guards – Lou and Bandit run into the flaming library as the mob takes the second floor – the mob confronts the governor and they cease rioting – attempts to put out the fire fail and everybody begins to flee the mansion – meanwhile, Tugtar meets the winged men – Tugtar pleads for a hippogriff egg – Bandit and Lou steal what books they can before smashing the window and jumping two stories – Lou and Bandit run out of town – the mob is being dispersed and arrested by the town guard – the remaining party rejoins at The Black Comedian – Tugtar buys a hippogriff egg, and talks with the winged men – Bandit hires and leaves instructions for Longo, the Squirreling-at-Arms, to meet at the Priory of Esilan in a few weeks. Next session, the party is going to head west and a rest at the Priory, read some books, and wait for the Hippogriff to hatch…
XP: Session XP, joining a mob, leaping out of a second story window, confronting two guards to set fire to drapes
Bandit 250 XP Lou 150 XP Jamila 150 XP Tugtar 150 XP Astaire 150 XP
Session XIV Day 13- Day 25 Tours-En-Savoy, Priory of Esilan
Loot: Lou’s Bag Sea Warfare – Threat or Menace? Sailing is Easier Than You Might Think Sea Tactics – University Edition – College of Brajanopolis The Contemporary Sailor Sailboats & Their Construction: A Summary Touching on Boats – A Radical Perspective Drama – The Highly Skilled Commander Drama – The Highly Skilled Commander: The Erotic Edition (false) How To Raise a Child: For Aspiring Fathers (Orcs) – in Orcish
Bandit’s Bag Helveczia Royalty – The Malevols: What You’ve Been Missing Helveczia Royalty – The Cromans: What You’ve Been Missing Historical Battle – Helveczia: A Revelation Historical Battle – Gray Elves: Path To The Truth (false story of battle) Cookbook – Battered copy of Monster Menu-All, falling apart Boats – Red Book – Ram Goddess’s Ring
Earthday afternoon – Bandit and Lou hide in the woods – the party is approached in the tavern by a radical admirer – Jamila and Astaire discuss politics with the locals – Tugtar is burdened by the egg – Jamila hails the flying men, and strikes a bargain to return the egg – the water brigade attempts to save the governor’s mansion – the party takes one last walk through town – Ben Mordechai asks for help – Lou packs the horse – Ysambeau carries the lanterns and lamp oil – the party chats with a doomsayer – the mansion burns, and the prisoners hope for safety in the stonework – the party rejoins Lou and Bandit at the jutting rock landmark outside town – the party heads off to the Priory of Esilan – they are greeted by Ferenc the monk – the party spends a week at the priory reading various books stolen from the governor’s mansion, and learning various things – Bandit finds a ring in a false book – after breakfast one day, ready to move on, Ysambeau is sent to retrieve Frei and Hofstetter in Tours-En-Savoy and rendezvous with the party at Castle Xyntillan… Waterday morning
XP: Session XP 100 party XP
Session XV Day 20-25 Priory of Esilan, Vallée du Ciel Trois, Castle Xyntillan
Waiting at the Priory – Tugtar and Jamila break in their armor training in the fields – Lou makes potions in his new pocket laboratory – Bandit trains and grooms, sometimes playing his bugle at sunrise – Astaire reads “Helveczian Royalty, The Malevols: What You’ve Been Missing”, and starts drawing a family tree – Astaire complains to Bandit – “What is your drive? What makes you…thump?” – Astaire articulates his distate for vampires – “Is there Bunnicula in the castle?” – Astaire patches Bandit’s purple robe – the robe is animated, mimes their allegiance to Bandit in gratitude for being rescued from the giant mice – Bandit tries to teach writing Roby the purple robe, it scrawls some marks – Tugtar looks wistfully at the window, and perhaps imagines riding the skies up there, on a hippogriff…
The hirelings arrive from Tours-En-Savoy – Jamila laden with sword, bow, shield and armor, asks a hireling to hold their moneypouch – the party heads to the castle, encounters a group leaving the valley with a cart full of looted chairs – they swap stories with Romien, Ophelia and co. on entrances to the castle, and bid each other adieu – the sun shines on the valley as the party descends, the month of Warmshade begins – the party greets their hireling, Longo, squirreling-at-arms, near the gatehouse ruins
Three headless manservants aimlessly tend the vegetable patch in the courtyard beyond – the archers rain arrows down on the servants – one is caught through the armpit and falls lifeless onto a pumpkin – the last headless manservant is ran through by Astaire’s longsword – Astaire cleans the blade on the manservant’s livery – Lou loots the headless body in the vegetable patch – Ambush! – Gilbert Malévol and 15 bandits stand on the ramparts – “Stand and deliver!” – Gilbert wants the party’s stuff – Astaire puts down his sword – Bandit protests – Gilbert readies the arrows – Bandit uses their magic and delivers a vision of an irate and dissappointed Aristide Malévol to Gilbert – Gilbert pleads with an illusion of the family patriach – the party orders Hofstetter and Frei to flee with the cart – two hirelings and the cart are left to their fate in the courtyard – the remaining party runs to the castle – Gilbert shakes the vision, orders fire – a hail of arrows catch Astaire, Ysambeau, and Wagner
Indoors, they make their way south, to one of the libraries – They smell incense…from a basin on a statue’s pedestal – The zombie statue gets toppled by Tugtar – a secret compartment has a shattered jar expiring in the open air – Quizzical looks from everyone in the party – drunken singing down the hall – at the end of the corridor, a mess hall of veteran skeletons, singing old songs and toasting – retreat from the skeletons – through another hall, another door – a serjeant’s room, with a plumed helmet on a writing desk – Tugtar dons a helmet, gauntlets, and greaves found in a chest – A dumbwaiter that leads upstairs is found – doors slam in the distance – Gilbert Malévol and his merry men enter the castle…
XP: 100 sesh xp, casting vision on Gilbert Malévol
After all that’s happened, here it is! The worldwide release, globally exclusive to YOU, right here, right now! My rulebook Doorknobs & Derring-do, codenamed Sourdough Tea Ritual Edition, is available to download! It’s playtested, mostly!
-> Animal Races, Goblins, Orcs, no elves except Moth Elves -> Fantastic Headgear -> Climbing Rules -> Copied mechanics from the absolutely very best -> Quests, Gods, Life After Death
Session IX Adelaide, “knight stientist” Lou Norman, mad scientist Astaire “Hester”, wizard Tugtar ‘the Bringer’ Jamila, loving mother, mysterious archer Bandit, adventurer (found under a boat)
Spiritday, 8:00 PM
Standing in the rain alone, Lou follows the smoke trail to a driftwood fire in the mouth of a beach cave on the opposite shore. Lou lights a torch and signals to his friends across the lake, who take notice and decide to use the boats in the cave to row over their isolated friend. The party flips the boats over to find- a rabbitling adventurer! Adelaide recognizes her friend Bandit from school, but Bandit doesn’t. Up for adventure, he joins the party to go save Lou. Meanwhile, Lou runs away from a giant spider and is getting nervous when he sees his friends on the lake and rejoins them. Lou tells the party his ghost story in the boat, and they return to the cave for a night’s rest, keeping guard with a night watch. As Tugtar took his watch, a wheezing skeleton shambled up the shore, attracted to life. Lou gave the skeleton several stern warnings but still it came for Tugtar, smashing its dessicated bones. Lou chars some of the fingerbones and buries all but one of them. Astaire enjoys the sunrise and smokes his pipe on last watch. Workday The party wakes and eats hot dogs for breakfast, then sets off in the rowboats to the castle. Lou bemoans his room reservation and possessions in Tours-En-Savoy, and Bandit peals out a cavalry charge on his bugle. A flock of fifteen eagle hounds on the mountain ridge answer in a baying screech and begin flying toward the party, who row hard to a beachy island to stand and deliver. Arrows are loosed, the eagle hounds arrive, divebombing and snapping at the party. One hound falls into the water, rousing a plesiosaur from the depths of the lake, who breaches and catches a hound from the sky in its mouth. The hounds snap at the lake monster and at the party. The air is all paws, snapping beaks, and feathers, and then a second plesiosaur emerges from the lake, scattering the hounds again! The party takes advantage of the distraction to ship off in their boats. Tugtar tosses some extra eagle hound bodies into the water and last to board the boat. The party takes one last look back to see the eagles hounds flying around the lake monsters as one catches a hound from the sky and swallows it whole…
XP session: 100xp fought 5 eagle hounds: 500xp
Tugtar, wheezing skeleton: 100xp
Session X Adelaide, “knight stientist” Lou Norman, mad scientist Astaire “Hester”, wizard Tugtar ‘the Bringer’ Jamila, loving mother, mysterious archer Bandit, adventurer (found under a boat)
Workday 8:40 AM
The party makes a discreet escape from the attention they attracted between the eagle hounds and plesiosaurs and scoots their boats off the island. Tugtar stumbles over a saddle and drags it into the boat with him as they leave. With Lou rowing one boat, Tugtar the other, the party heads to Castle Xyntillan. Nearing the dock and west of the stairs to the courtyard above the party spies the underground cave tunnel they heard rumor of, and decide to boat in. Dangling roots grab Lou, disturbing bats that fly out of the cave. There is a brief kerfluffle as Adelaide is knocked overboard and Bandit jumps boats to save Lou, chewing off the roots. The party spies some golden items glinting in the water, and Jamila dives in to collect them, releasing a trapped rot grub. Surviving the encounter, she then spends some time studying underwater emblems along the cave walls. Declining to investigate them further, the party moves on with Bandit and his lantern at the fore of the first rowboat. Entering a larger chamber with a western shore, the party startles an elderly man there, who inquires their business. Lou frightens the man by impersonating a family member, so half the party gives chase. As Lou and Adelaide bring the boat ashore while Astaire smokes his pipe, they hear a sobbing in the darkness. Lou questions the voice about their past, then Astaire lights a torch, revealing them to be a pitiful diseased figure in rags. The trio decide to not hang around a diseased-looking person and rejoin Bandit, Tugtar, and Jamila, who have entered a theater. Bandit loots the stiff corpses in the benches. The elderly man from before comes wandering back, absent-minded and lost. Lou asks him questions and then the party leaves him to wander off. The party finds a passage backstage, and following suddenly finds themselves outside. A jolly Father Chlodowig greets them from his mossy cave. Astaire goes creeping in the woods and disturbs a patch of owlbears, to which the party responds by taking off up the passage leading to backstage of the theater. Bandit takes the head of the group, leading them upstairs. Heading up the hall past stacks of firewood, he opens an empty room, which leads to a bizarre carpeted room. Tugtar takes the lead, and opens a room where furniture is being chopped into firewood. Adelaide and Lou hear whispers and see mists coming from behind, and urge the party to hurry forward. Next to the firewood room, a empty bar tended by a ghost bartender is “cleaning” dirty glasses. Heeding the “Stay Out!” sign on the kitchen door, the party heads down another hall, and find a room with 3 goat statues and a salt statue pointing north.
Time: 11:30 AM Lou, Grabbing Roots 50xp Jamila, Rot Grub 100xp Adelaide, thrown overboard by bats 50 xp
It’s raining heavily, and wind sways the treetops. The party stands on the western shore of the castle grounds, and looking at their surroundings, decide to explore the vineyard west on the Xyntillan estate. A dreary trek in the rain ensued, squelching in the muddy path fields of weedy pumpkin patchs and cornstalks. Past the fields, a stone bridge led to a dark forest, which lay between the party and the vineyard. Going around the forest to the left, Astaire, Tugtar and Jamila came upon the vine-covered gazebo they’d seen from a distance earlier. As Astaire and Tugtar approached, an elderly form in the gazebo bid them to come out of the rain, but when she saw their muddy clothes and unfamiliar faces, revealed herself as a vicious harridan, breaking her already-broken parasol on Tugtar’s head. Astaire objected to this treatment but the horrible woman berated Astaire and started clawing at him, and momentarily seizing his wrist in a icy grasp, draining his energy. Adelaide made the shot from her crossbow and fired a bolt right into the shrivelled woman’s chest, killing her. Lou stepped up into the gazebo with his torch, stepping over the body. Green vines on the lattice in the gazebo began to uncurl towards Lou, nimbly stepped backwards out of their way– and right into one behind him. There was a couple scratches but Lou managed to wrangle his way out, and the party ran into the woods, while Adelaide killed the vines from a distance. Astaire checked out the gazebo and found a good ol’ healing potion. Back across the woods (not through them), the party made their way to the vineyard, where they happily spent some time trying to find some good grapes among the vines. The rain continued as the party moved on to check out the garden shed behind the winery, then into the winery itself. Astaire: “I need some wine!” Lou: “There’s creeps everywhere we go.” Dissapointingly empty of wine, the party poked around the empty bottles and display cases, Adelaide dropped a silver coin into the rusted coin-operated “Marvelous Malévol Mechanical Band” in the corner, only to be treated to a screeching detuned performance. Headed down the stairs, large casks of wine greeted the party in the torchlight. Trying the taps, the party finds some good wine, and Astaire discovers suspicious hinges on one of the casks- a secret door! Tugtar turns the spigot and unlocks the door, revealing a dank rough-hewn corridor within. At that moment, Adelaide opens the seventh tap, pouring out the menacing whisps of a ghost! Jamila, Tugtar, Adelaide and Astaire all bolt into the false cask, while Lou, sensitive to danger, runs back up the stairs and out of the winery. Removed from his party and unsure what to do about the likely loss of his protegé, Lou dejectedly picks for grapes in the vineyard while the rain pours. Meanwhile in the dank corridor, the party drank a toast to survival, and then walked and walked, burning out a torch and needing to light a new one as they wound on. Eventually the cave widened, became sandy, and opened a ways from a sandy lakeshore, a mile north of the castle. The party hatched a plan to create smoke for Lou to see, and Astaire went with Lou to drag in some wet driftwood to burn. Across the lake through the rain, the pair faintly saw a headless woman sprint along the shore. They hurried back to the cave, and started the fire. Eventually Lou accepted that he must move on, and went back to the gardening shed to try the miracle gro plant food on the grapevines. The ‘dirt’ caused them to grow and fruit immediately, but the discovery was short-lived as Patrice Malévol, grizzled and holding a battleaxe, demanded Lou’s business. Patrice was suspicious yet unsure, but after Lou failed two persuasion rolls and ran, she gave chase, yelling to her berserkers to “get him!” Lou ran straight back into the winery, doing the last thing he wanted to do- face the ghost, and maybe escape. Down the stairs he went, and looked right into the ghost’s baleful gaze. He aged ten years on the spot, and panic took Lou right back up the stairs, running right into Patrice, who was amused at Lou’s panic. Her six berserkers stepped into the winery, took Lou’s sack of items, and laughed with their boss at Lou’s plight; that is, until the ghost came up the stairs. A healthy young berserker turned to face the ghost- and aged 50 years, dropping his sword with a cry as his body withered. Patrice: “I’m not afraid of a ghost! Berserkers, attack!” In the distraction panic-striken Lou jumped out of Patrice’s grasp and ran, ran, out into the rain past the vineyards, past the fields. He walked along in a stunned silence, his only dream of sweet safety in Tours-En-Savoy. As he walked, he noticed a thick trail of smoke out on the other side of the lakeshore…
So I like books a lot and I found this list on the internet that was pretty cool but I made some changes. I don’t remember the sources but if I do then I’ll link them here. IF YOU NEED BOOKS for your campaign use this list! that’s what i did. ok that’s all for now ta
Spoiler: Castle Xyntillan! Two more session posts.
Valley of the Three Rainbows, home of Xyntillan
Session VI The Party: Lou Norman, mad scientist Adelaide, “knight stientist” Astaire “Hester”, wizard Tugtar ‘the Bringer’ Jamila, mysterious archer
Casualties: None
Loot: None
Reunited, the party-family turns back around to take on the skeletons that had moments ago outnumbered them. The rain became steady as they snuck through the light woods toward the castle. Lou’s tactical sensibilities came to the fore and the party quickly hatched an ambush plan at the stone footbridge crossing into the castle’s estate. Two skeletons had taken a guard post at the crumbling entrance, which Jamila and then Adelaide provoked with loosed arrows, one finding its home in a skeleton’s eye socket. Another three skeletons followed their comrades out of the light forest in their charge towards the archers. The five spearbones came storming over the stone footbridge only to fall prey to caltrops, a triprope, Tugtar’s hammer, and Lou’s shovel. By the party’s count two skeletons remained, but did not appear, so they threw the bones into the river and trekked in the rain onto the estate and up the walls. Watching the stables, Lou tried to make some noise by clacking bones together, but it couldn’t be heard in the downpour, so he and Adelaide blew their whistles. Lou: I hold up 3 fingers to Hester for 3 whistles. Astaire: I hold up one finger. Two skeletons came out of the stables to inspect the noise. The first was taken by Adelaide’s arrow, and Jamila killed the second. A victory! This accounted for all the skeletons seen in the barracks, a now-empty room filled with odds and ends collected over many campaigns…
What’s in the barracks? Is it safe to enter the castle? Find out next session!
Session VII The Party: Lou Norman, mad scientist. played by BarkTrimble. Adelaide, “knight stientist”. played by Castle Librarian. Astaire “Hester”, wizard. played by Traveling Merchant. Tugtar ‘the Bringer’. played by Traveling Merchant. Jamila, loving mother, mysterious archer. played by BarkTrimble.
Casualties: None
Loot: wispy white beard greasy jar of grease dusty medal with blue ribbon bottle of Malévol wine
11:15, Spiritday Standing in the rain, outside the castle walls, the party assists Astaire in a group casting Clairvoyance on himself, and he sets out along the south walls of the castle to see what’s inside. While Jamila and Tugtar accompanied Astaire along the jaunt, Lou and Adelaide hung back in the woods and waited. Peering past the mortar, he saw In the dim light a storage room for a servant’s barracks, then a dark hallway further west. Looking past the peeling wallpaper of the hallway, Astaire sees bizarre shadows flicker on the walls of a mess hall. Long benches and rough goat-legged tables with cluttered tableware crowd the place. 24 old veterans – skeletons all – are silently singing and toasting, throught the two walls. On the table a pale gentleman in a powdered wig and plum silken vest seems to be going on at length about something to the skeletons. Suddenly, as if he felt eyes upon him, he turns and meets Hester’s gaze. His long chin drew up beneath his pencil mustache in surprise, and his crafty eyes gleamed as he quickly turned to step off the table towards a door exiting the mess hall. Astaire, deeply surprised, drew back from the wall and hurriedly brought Jamila and Tugtar with him back to Lou and Adelaide.
Meanwhile in the wet woods, Adelaide talked to Lou about her time spent in a cult. Needless to say, it wasn’t a good place for her and since then, she’s been staying in Tours-en-Savoy. As they both watched the rain, Astaire and company came running up the path, and told Lou what happened, who started immediately and took off into the woods. It was a moment before the party collectively calmed down and decided to look back at the castle to see if anyone had come out.
Neatly framed against a dark interior in the doorway to the castle was the plum-vested gentlemen Astaire described. His powdered wig reached past his shoulders, and spotting Astaire and Tugtar, bade them indoors, waving his hand. Astaire decided to accept the invitation, and Tugtar, feeling a kinship with Astaire, followed him in. Jamila didn’t want to go but she didn’t want her son hurt so- in she went. The overcast sky lit the dank passageway, and the gentleman disappeared quickly down an adjacent hallway, saying, “Come in out of the rain! Hurry!” Tugtar bravely stepped into the dark hallway and faintly smelled incense. Jamila was already trying to make the party leave when she saw bones on the floor, but everyone ran when a voice boomed overhead, welcoming them to their doom.
Jean-Jacques Malévol, the Belletrist credit Cameron Hawkey
Meanwhile, Adelaide was tired of standing in the woods again and marched off to the stables. Lou followed and they explored the barracks where the spearbones had been. Amongst the chests and furniture Adelaide found a wispy white beard on a coatrack, and Astaire (as the party reunited) found a greasy jar of grease (passing it to Tugtar) and in the corner, a dusty medal with a blue ribbon. Inside a chest were posters for the capture of Claude Malévol (“dead or alive. preferably dead!”) Opposite the barracks was the smithy, which Astaire began to enter but quickly retreated when the hammer working on the anvil hurled itself at the intruder, which bounced off the door. Astaire picked up the now-still hammer and turned to put it in his pack when it suddenly swung upward, hitting Tugtar squarely in the face, before falling still again. Astaire and Tugtar stepped out of the stables to deal with the hammer while Lou and Adelaide checked out the smithy, finding nothing of interest.
Wanted: Claude Malévol! credit Cameron Hawkey
Leaving the smithy behind and walking along eastern castle walls toward the lake, the hammer leapt out of Tugtar’s backpack, narrowly missing the back of his head. Adelaide grabbed the hammer and swiftly tossed it by the vegetable patch before it brained anyone else. At the lakeshore the party proposed walking along the rocks around the castle to the lake entrance, but decided against it when Adelaide fell into the water on her first try. Discussion ensued and the party went off along the southern side of the castle, but this time walking as far around as they can. In the distance further east, the party spots a gazebo and further away, a old vineyard. Unable to find easy access to the lake entrance, Astaire leads a group casting for Clairvoyance again, and spies a laboratory, dark rooms, a dame’s bedroom (inside of which a blonde woman eagerly sorts through bones in a sack), a (sinister) butler’s room, and last but not least, a room with a coffin under the window and doors kept shut with a black iron bat lock. Astaire, again deeply surprised, urges the party around him and explains what lies beyond the walls…
Which entrance is the best way into the spooky castle? Who are these inhabitants, and why are they in an abandoned castle? Where is Claude Malévol, and is he dead or alive? Find out next session!
Takeaways We spent time in session 6 getting familiar with the new party members, and the scuffle with the skeletons was the party’s first large skirmish. I remember session 7 involving a discussion about the functions of x-ray vision and ability checks for casting spells. I think it was at this point that I decided passing a DC 15 for spellcasting was stupid because you’re a MAGIC-USER dammit. After this session I quit asking for spellcasting checks! But there were several nice spells cast using group casting as a bonus for the check, which I had adapted from Dungeon Crawl Classic’s rules for magic.
